#but flaky inconsistent people are too much work for ME

[autisticlee]

I need a friend (or maybe actually a life partner) thats super consistent/scheduled, not flaky, probably not disabled with unpredictable flare ups/energy issues, someone with energy who can plan and get stuff done. because I cannot do it myself. I need someone very close who is like this so they can help me do things I want or need to do. come over in the morning to exercise like go for a walk or swim or kayak. come over to help me make food when they realize I forgot to eat. come over and help me change my bed sheets. sit with me while I work on something and keep me focused or help me get done easier. plan a time to hang out or go somewhere and be here at that exact time instead of forgetting or canceling.

I NEED consistency in my life. I cannot provide it for myself. I know there's people out there who are like this. the autism in me craves it. but the adhd in me rejects it and always wins no matter how hard I try. having unpredictable physical flare ups doesn't help. trying doesn't do anything. people make it clear to me that it doesn't look like I try at all. that proves how useless trying has been. I need an external force that is beyond my control. alarms and reminders are in my control so they never work. I can't be consistent with myself and flake out on myself, beyond my control. but when it comes to other people, i'll push through and stick to things for their sake. I need a separate entity that has more control over the situation. someone to do with me and not just "remind" me. but also someone that won't push me too hard or let me push myself too hard. remind me to stop and drink/eat. don't let me push through pain. remind me it's ok to rest. etc.

but finding consistent people is so hard. I can't seem to do it. I only find and attract flaky, inconsistent people. I don't know what i'm supposed to do about it. they want me to be their consistent, nonflaky friend that they can flake out on. i'm told i'm always there for them whenever they need me, and they appreciate it. but I can never say the same about them.

no one wants to help me or "hold my hand" mostly because they can't even help themsleves and expect me to do everything for them, but also people who could help just dont like or care about me enough. i'm a burden to people who don't care or value me enough. I need someone to magically care so much about me that they enjoy being my solid pillar of consistency, support, and companionship. they wake up and WANT to see me immediately, so they come over and wake me up to make breakfast and go for a walk and do chores at their house together and etc.

you can't just wait and they will show up like a pokemon you can catch and turn into your loyal companion. you can't just make someone like you. but I don't know how to make anyone like me/find people who like me for who I am and don't have the energy and spoons endlessly sort through everyone in the world for the chance of finding one i also like and feel comfortable with. I need a person that either doesn't cost energy to interact with or somehow gives energy. that'd so hard to find.

I do try, though. but it takes at least a month or two to recover from the energy and effort it takes to reach out to a single person, especially since it's me doing most of the work. so the process is slow and is wasting my life away. I don't care about the possible "one day" because i'm struggling NOW. thinking about "one day" hasn't helped improve my life one but over the past 15 years or more, i've been told "one day"

it seems to be all about either luck or being privileged to have the energy and right personality to attract the right people. I have none of those things. so I just continue to struggle to exist within my own chaos alone. merely barely surviving and not at all living.

[lunasilvis]

I've stopped people pleasing, had chosen all summer to focus on introspective labor for my future. Have been constructing a solid way (asap) out of this house. This house, which often feels like an open, gaping, festering wound. And on top of it, I had to perform loads of inner work during the full-length of springtime, too.

In terms of my social life, I think I can say I have been a shitty friend, daughter, sister, anything (but a bad dog owner), this year. Maybe it is my old life that I want to tear down, shred to pieces, feed to ravenous dobermans on the block. Crumble this life into a paper wad and light on fire. Though that also feels highly unfair and cruel to anyone involved. This house, this place (I weirdly feel on edge in whitewashed places which lack a significant multicultural mixture of people making up the population – this probably is because I was born + grew up in a widely culturally diverse place in the city – the Turkish, Maroccan, Somalian, Ghanese influences were always like home. And they felt so much warmer than the aloof dutch households of my friends). Maybe I can excuse myself in the eyes of all the people I love for being flaky, because I was so busy forging this whole new armor suit from the fabrics of an entrancing and rare kind of self-belief and irrefutable, positive hope for manifesting a better life. I took an unexpected exit, because I knew my old road had a collapsed bridge just a few miles down the road.

I've been all but desolutory this year. I've been perserverant, commited, focused, determined. The old just felt absolutely untenable.

I feel bad when I remember all the birthdays I (almost or fully) forgot and the dates or meetups I didn't make or cancelled. For the inconsistencies, the unavailabilities. I might had well pitched a tent all up in a crater on the moon. I think I had to have this moment of introspection dearly, and my shiny suit of armor still has a little more work left to do 🤏 (not much, but hey, some screws left to check in the plate material!). I really thank all who have given me space and time I needed as I was in the pursuit of my own spirit - as I worked through decluttering past, life and future. Separating old or false beliefs from my essence in the here and now (and next).

I don't plan to be lonely at the top, though. I can't muster the energy nor time to be a bad friend, sister or daughter much longer. One day soon I'm gonna wake up smiling. It'll be the weekend, and I'll pick up my stupid phone to text some friends. I'm gonna ask them if they're down to bake a fat cake with me. One with sprinkles or choco chips, it doesn't have to be a luxury work of art, as long as it got lotss of whipped cream. We'll have let's-touch-grass sessions, or head over to the botanical garden in Amsterdam, you know the one in the old Jewish neighborhood, where we can lose ourselves till we photosynthesize and become plant material. Poke fun at lives post-30s. Decide not to people please ever anymore, but toss out this whole lame terrible disconnection thing. Cherish our shared times and funs forever

[friendlylocalwhumper]

Apparently I'm not done thinking about that drabble with Lux talking to Penelope about his past. :p Something that really strikes me about it is the way that Penelope is trying hard to be compassionate - and doing well for a teen, I think! - but has these extremely rigid ideas of what the Right Perspective is. That's...familiar, as someone who likes online lefty fannish circles and in-person lefty political circles. :p The part where she insists he call himself a survivor really struck me - it's always so interesting when people trying to Say The Right Thing end up speaking over the person who's actually impacted. This isn't a direct analogy, ofc, but it made me think about how I as a youngish trans person feel when I see someone try to police the terms an older trans person uses for themself. Just!!!! That sense of, Wow, bb, your *intent* is so good but you're missing the mark by a mile-

Anyway! I love seeing the tension of Pen trying her best, and Lux working hard to be steadfast and steady while still feeling pretty shaken himself, and thinking through where he can get appropriate support (not from Pen, but maybe from his therapist if he needs it), and just! Gosh there was so much delightful interpersonal substance in that drabble. I don't know that this is of interest from a whump perspective, but from a personal one I am SO curious as to what kind of adult Pen grows up to be. She clearly has a very good heart!

the drabble has been on my mind all day, too! lux and penny are so interesting and sad and comforting.

penny is absolutely trying to be sympathetic, but she's also catty, and opinionated, and sometimes-stubborn-sometimes-flaky. she's lux's daughter, and thus she feels the weight of this, but also she's curious and it's her dad so she treats him with a lot of familiarity and not too much caution. after all, he's been careful all her life to not put too much responsibility on her to cater to his needs.

she loves her dad, and vaguely knows he's been through awful things, but also no teenager would 100% idolize and listen to their parents. she pushes back and wonders how much her dads are wrong about. she has a few phases where she's anti-magic, or pro-cops, or whatever seems to make her parents tense and upset. in the end, though, i bet she ends up being very kind and sort of guilty about being such a handful as a kid. (lux, of course, is so proud of her, and absolutely does not hold her growing pains against her.)

the part where she insists he call himself a survivor, and how she talks so bluntly about abuse, that's totally meant to show that she thinks she's so smart and in the right. lux is wiser, he obviously is somewhat uncomfortable with what she's saying, but he wants her to decide what her opinions should be by herself. she gets to be wrong and frustrating and inconsistent.

[atomicfilm]

INTP Turn Ons

Intellect

No, you don’t need an IQ of 140 and if you go around telling them that they’ll make you prove it eventually.

We love to converse with people we don’t find draining, so if you can hold our interest for more than a few minutes we’ve already noticed you. That’s pretty rare for us.

It doesn’t really matter specifically what you’re interested in, so long as you’re passionate and can teach us a lot about it. Or maybe a little about a lot of things. But be as well researched as possible otherwise they won’t trust you as a source of information. 

If you have different opinions from us, that could actually be a plus, so long as you like to flirt through debating. But we like to take our time discovering our beliefs! We may switch sides and if you’re too stagnant and close-minded, we’ll be bored soon. 

For example, I actually have no close friends with the same interests as me but I love them because they’re able to introduce me to new information. Even if you’re knowledgable about music or videogames, an INTP could find this particularly interesting.

The weirder you are, the better. We love people who are accepting of our ridiculous theories/jokes and are willing to play games with us. 

People who think independently? Oo la la! There are too many people who plagiarize others, even verbally, and it’s terribly easy to spot. 

But pretentious people? No. We’re not going to bother talking to you if we can avoid it. That’s too obnoxious. 

Depending on the INTP, we may find dark humor and sarcasm to be our love language. Being teasing but not truly mean? Major bonus.  

Admitting when you’re wrong is too scarce. And don’t be afraid to tell us if we messed up.

Trust me, you won’t win the interest of an INTP by being all brawn and no brains. 

Excitement

If you make small talk constantly then you’re likely not on our radar. However, it’s all in the delivery, if you can make boring stories into enchanting tales then you’re perfect for us. 

ADVENTURE. Even if it’s as simple as playing in the race car shopping carts at the grocery store or roleplaying as gallant knights in the woods, we’re fun nerds.

We’re attracted to people who make us try things we wouldn’t normally do on our own. This is why we have a tendency to be around at least a few crazy extraverts who jump off buildings or go cliff diving. 

TALENT IS SO SEXY. For me, I’m always infatuated with people who are entertainers, especially people who I expect to be future comedians or artists. Sometimes I really like people who are interested in engineering. Whatever your talent, the better you are at it, the more interest you’ll raise. 

WIT. If you reply to the oddities of our texts/conversations with banter, prepare to catch a swooning INTP. 

Don’t mistake drama for excitement. If you’re picking fights with all of your friends, we’ll expect you to do the same with us. 

If you’re a little mysterious, just enough to intrigue us but not so much that you’re lying, being insincere otherwise, or being overtly private you may catch our eye. It’s a lot of fun to solve the puzzle of people in good time but no one wants to be bogged down by having to guess about a person’s desires nor their honesty. 

Positive vibes! Do you bring your friends cookies? Do you smile and talk to strangers on the subway? It’s easy to fall in love with someone just because they’re a genuinely nice person.  

The more easily entertained you are, the better. Often we want to retreat into solitude and if you’re clinging to us to keep you from boredom, we’ll get snappy sometimes. Plus, we don’t always want to be the only one generating ideas for things to do. 

Stability

Sure, maybe you weren’t expecting that when the category above it was excitement.

We’re logical homebodies. We want people who we can imagine sharing our home with, even if it’s in a very nontraditional way. 

When all hell breaks loose, all we want is a shoulder to lay our heads on and a hand to hold. Someone we can fight against the world with. An equal partner. 

While it’s important not to take one another for granted, the safety in knowing that someone will always be around to have your back is one of the most important factors for long-term relationships.

Stable people are the people who don’t extract too much from us emotionally, who don’t force us to do things we’re morally opposed to, who understand our needs even if we can’t find the words. 

Not to mention, confidence! Being stable in oneself is also about having healthy self-esteem and being able to be decisive about what you want. 

Flaky and moody people are just too inconsistent for us to predict unless they’re constantly moody and flaky. If you’re going to be late for an event, tell us. If you need some space, let us know. 

Also, stable people are easy to respect and a relationship can’t be healthy without mutual respect. 

We’re constantly trying to improve ourselves and we don’t have a lot of spare energy to spend improving you. 

Miscellaneous

When in doubt, just ask. Maybe they don’t like constant verbal affirmations and do want to be cuddled. Maybe they hate cuddling and need to be told “I love you” several times a day. Either way is okay if it works for you too. 

Don’t let your personality be consumed by us. We don’t want to date ourselves, hopefully (unless you’ve found a narcissist), and valuing yourself makes it all the more easy to like you.  

INTPs can be very, very particular and seemingly random. At the end of the day, maybe the people we love don’t check off all the boxes on a list. 

People who remind us to breathe every once in a while and support us will always be winners. 

[finsterhund]

now that I’m no longer crying and enraged enough to bite through metal I will try to explain what is going on.

I hope this posts. I am on the wifi thing.

The parasitic slumlord cunts who run the housing complex I am forced to live in are well aware of how BC passed an unethical restriction that forces service dog teams to pay for a government-performed public access test in order to have legal rights without taking the accessibility discrimination issue to court.

People who weren’t heartless bastards would accept a doctors appointment with the expectation that the dog was needed and the test would be performed once the dog was able to take the test.

But landlords are nothing more than heartless bastards who don’t deserve to live.

Unlike in the US, where the ADA (Americans With Disabilities act) was literally passed through the bloodshed of disabled people throwing themselves onto the steps of parliamentary buildings and staying there until change was made, Canada has no such badass protections and is mostly run by feel good “what if we do this” policies.

I fucking WISH we had something like the ADA.

British Columbia has a severe housing problem. In particular people owning properly being abusive slumlords and charging an arm and a leg for a little rotting shack. The laws are bent around these slumlords and this is also the case for things like wheelchair access. If they can get away with not doing it, they will. And in BC while it’s technically discrimination you can only fight it by taking them to court. As disability income is less than minimum wage this is pretty much impossible.

The fact that disabled people have to be put on a waiting list that’s longer than five years for the government to train their dog for them, or pay tens of thousands of dollars for a company in the US to train the dog because landlords can prevent them from self-training a service dog is discrimination of the disabled justified by classism.

And the fact that we can’t fight that without hiring lawyers is discrimination of the disabled perpetuated by classism.

The point being is no matter that it’s illegal, morally wrong, and they’re filthy bastards who kept trying to hike up the rent despite it being against covid rules and their refusal to clean the laundry facilities or properly salt the parking lot, can get away with their discrimination simply because I can’t afford to sue them. I’ve ever had people tell me I’d have a case to SUE THE PROVINCIAL GOVERNMENT over this. But once again, you need money. Not only that, but you can probably imagine that taking someone to court is really hard if you’re mentally retarded. I don’t even know how court works.

The little puppet. The friendly pawn they use for public relationships, who was the landlord way back when before these demonic corporations bought everything out, actually wanted to help. They’re the only one of these bastards who associates with us common folk at the townhouses themselves. But she can do fuck all because she’s just the placebo these cunts use to make us feel like they are human and not parasitic suits.

Still, she did somehow manage to swing that I can kinda technically still get a dog. TECHNICALLY. Because there are MASSIBE caveats to this.

They can’t be large enough for mobility tasks, or deep pressure therapy.

You know,

The specific things I NEED my service dog to do.

Yes. These cunts are like “oh just get a dog that’s a pet that is incapable of doing what you NEED your DISABILITY AID to do”

And my roommate says that this will be better than nothing. But without my dog being able to do the tasks I need them to do I still won’t be independent. And worse, I’ll have to rely on his inconsistent flaky support for not just my care, doctor appointments, and food, but MY DOG’S TOO. I don’t want to force a pet into this shitty home situation I’m stuck in.

I was thinking “once I finally have my service dog and go through the certification maybe I’ll be able to find a better living situation and leave this fucking slum.

Absolutely the fuck not.

My roommate sent me a photo of a puppy. Says they’ll be small enough

looks like Spot but a heeler mix

beautiful

perfect

I don’t want mu heart broken

don’t know if the photo is real

please

please don’t hurt me again

I can’t take much more of this

please send me more spot power

[storytell]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

Fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au  / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO / EH KINDA

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / SUBJECTIVE

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL / DEPENDS

How strictly do you follow canon? — if by that question you mean “does my twain do the things he does in canon” then i follow canon pretty much exactly. the fact is though that we know so little about him (hell, we don’t even know if he ever ACTUALLY went back to america) that most of my interpretation is me coming up with things based around rl twain, as well as his more famous novels. in that way you could say i follow more than one canon.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — being a product of his environment, every friendship and relationship with him is different because he is constantly being shaped by the people he surrounds himself with. he’s very easy to approach and gets along well with most people, and is among my most open-minded muses. he’s down for just about anything all the time!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — he’s very egotistical, and i think the murder might put some people off. he also gets distracted very easily, both as a person and in threads, and can be kind of flaky when something doesn’t hold his attention. also being very flexible in terms of personality means he can be kind of inconsistent from au to au.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — honestly? twain was a complete impulse decision for me. i just noticed there weren’t any active blogs that had twain and i decided to make a blog for him. about 130 muses later, and he’s still my most active and favorite muse.

What keeps your inspiration going? — i love him so much, and i’m always so ready to explore new things with him because he’s always ready to explore them too.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO / POTENTIALLY

Do you accept criticism about your portrayal? — yes, as long as it’s constructive, and as long as it’s an actual complaint about my portrayal and writing and not just “you have too many muses”, as certain people are prone to complaining about. i like to think i’m able to consider everyone’s gripes with the way i portray characters. with twain specifically, i’m less likely to listen to it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — oh absolutely. even if they’re things i’ve answered before i love talking about twain more than i love BREATHING.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — if they’re disagreeing because they have a different headcanon, i typically like to hear what they think because i think it’s interesting. but if they’re just saying “no that’s dumb” and don’t have further input, then no?

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — i dunno i’d probably be like then don’t look at it bro

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — this is.. a really difficult question to answer, because twain isn’t really a popular enough character or a prominent enough one for someone to hate him. i’ve never encountered someone who hated him, but i genuinely honestly don’t think i could be friends with someone if they hated twain. not because it’s a bad thing or anything, i definitely don’t hate people who don’t like him, but just because i talk about him way too much and that’s bound to get annoying

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — theoretically yes but if you’re doing a reply for me and you see one i will react much better if i’m not aware of it. i get really embarrassed if everything isn’t absolutely perfect so if i am aware of a typo i’ll go quiet for several days on end.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — kiiiiiiind of? this is a tricky one, because i’m not really the most easy going person on my blog as a rule--i can’t be as lax as i’d like to otherwise i’d never get any actual interactions going, but i also don’t like being strict. i also get weird about a lot of specific things and can come off as unusually strict because of it, but i genuinely try to have as few rules as possible.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by; stolen from several people Tagging; take it from me!

[hostile-southern]

The Double Add

One of my Close Circle friends gifted me with $100 to get the character I wanted. My luck was not great. Oh, I got her, but without his contribution, I might not have fared so well. So, I really appreciated it... I don't necessarily feel bad about how I've been feeling, because I don't think I've been out-of-line.

But, actions speak louder than words, especially for me, and in addition to the funds, my friend was very encouraging towards me and let me have my moments, knowing how much I adore the new character. That meant a lot to me.

I, of course, being me, had many opinions on the leaks my friends were discussing, and I'm afraid I crushed some dreams. But, I... just want to help. I try to leave things open, noting things could change, especially once we've experienced stuff for ourselves, but I can't help but talk about things I know--with authority. I try not to talk about things I don’t know about.

That's how I've always been. I forget they don't really care about big numbers or end game content, but I think they miss why I research this game... (It’s not to show them up.)

Honestly, though, I like big numbers and being able to clear things, but what they're missing, I think, is that I don't obsess over my builds for that. I do it, because it's the only way I can keep up with them. I can't dodge or react quickly, and I can't pull off complex rotations. So, if the hits I do and utility I provide aren't great, then I'm dead weight. I'm very aware of this.

But, I know I need to learn when to shut up when it comes to theorycrafting, so I'll work on it, I guess... I admit the atmosphere is much better when I let things go.

Add: Eh, also, to be fair, much of what I think my friends think about me are assumptions, and maybe I shouldn't read as much into our interactions as I do. It's just hard, ya know? People tend to obsess over things when they care and/or don't have much else going on, in my experience. Frankly. I’m a little bit column A, a little bit column B.

So, it turns out some guy who's been trying to flirt with me through Twitter flirted with me in 2019; we met here--though my main account. It was a surprise to me, and I think it was to him, also. I believe he pissed me off, so I probably wrote about it. I'll have to check and refresh my memory... Until I do, my guard is pretty high. He's really trying to get with me all of a sudden, and I don't trust it.

Add2: Well, I accidentally sent this early from my phone and forgot to edit in a tittle from one of my PCs last night, so I'll just add the small update I have to the post again.

Anyway, I checked my posts from May 2019, and I barely mentioned that guy who's been flirting with me. I was kinda disappointed. But, I remember now that he seemed flaky, and it checks out--unless he's into you, which he is... into me, at the moment. I don't mind the attention, but... I just don't want someone on me all the time, especially if it's gonna be inconsistent. Or, if he's gonna pressure me into voice chatting, playing games together, etc. Hard pass.

He did tell me to tell him if he started being too much, so maybe he's somewhat aware of how he comes off. He plays it off as being horny all the time, but it's definitely not horniness... It's neediness. I kinda feel bad for him and wanna help, but I don't want or need it...

[broomswept-thoughts]

Sigh, wish I didn't get so pissed off when plans aren't smoothed out ahead of time. I know it's not Tammy's fault but it irritates me so much ugh idk why. Maybe because I have to do more work? To figure stuff out? Maybe also because it makes me irritated that I need to figure out food stuff and it'll be more expensive if I eat out but I don't want to bother my parents so I would rather not eat at all, but it wouldn't have had to be like this if they had told me ahead of time. I guess I'm pissed because I'm not feeling entirely forgiving right now and I believe that it's because of their personal faults rather than maybe situational reasons. I don't know what the reason or why this is the way it is, so I shouldn't presume the worst about people. I think I might also be kinda prickly around Prashit's housemates in general, still. Unfortunately it's gonna take some time for me to really like them/ not treat them coldly because I don't want to get along with them. But I think I just have to treat them politely. Idk why I'm tryna 強がって and be standoffish, I think maybe it's just a form of passive aggressiveness against Tammy for putting me into this situation even though I voluntarily said I'd go. I wasn't feeling particularly mean or tired or prickly when I said that I'd come but I think I'm just tired and feeling ambiguous/ still like a watery and wet emotional fetus rn.

I'm pretty much more or less over Duncan, but yeah. I'm not feeling particularly incentivized to be close with anyone other than people I know and like already. I guess being super closed off doesn't help anyone but. I'm feeling kinda tired of people I don't already have a strong connection with at least rn. Sorta just... Wanna rest. Do absolutely nothing or at least not much emotionally. I'm kinda tired of weird texting games and conversations, it just feels... Idk, I'm doing what I can but it's hard with people who aren't similar like me in online convos (like Camellia or Kryssy). Karin is okay nowadays but having radio silence for days just makes me *throws hands up*. Like what conversation is this, pigeon mail lol. I think talking on the phone or sth would be faster and more like.... Idk real? I'm just kinda sick and tired. Of inconsistent and/or hot and cold talking. I'm officially done; Idc if it's too much, I reply quickly because that's my personality unfortunately. But how quickly or often the other person wants to talk is up to them. Its not sth I'm gonna bother with anymore. Or value too much, or as anything more than a pastime.

I think back to the whole scheduling thing, I think I've noticed that I really dislike changing my schedule last second. Maybe I just hate flakiness with a passion lol. But I get irritated and maybe a part of it is because I feel that I'm not being valued? Or valued enough to have my time taken seriously? Which is a valid concern but also I think it stems from insecurity. I think about flakiness from Karen, because that made me kinda depressed. Like oh......... Maybe I wasn't that important to her after all. Idk it was hard because she was going through trauma and stuff but. I think seeing her hang out with ither friends instead sort offffffffff made me feel like I might not be as close to her as I thought? I guess this also plays into other insecurities like from being ghosted and stuff. But maybe that's why I get so prickly about plans being changed suddenly; maybe I'm conflating being steady with plans as valuing me as a person vs being flaky/ constantly changing plans as not being valued and/or being seen as just someone casual/ not that important. It might not be that deep, but I think if this insecurity combines with other insecurities like jealousy and envy over being alone, insecurity over not dating anyone, and insecurity of being abandonned by a close friend, it becomes a lot more toxic.

[whatsonmyminddd]

Day 84

WOW

hi !!!

it feels like it has truly been a lifetime since I wrote last, but thank GOD I am here to report copious amounts of heeling, happiness, and so much fulfillness ... I truly feel FULL

and on my own ?!

It’s crazy cause it feels like everyone has been really going through it recently, and welp I definitely already went through that this year that the more I hear people talk about...

I think to myself, I am so, GENUINELY, happy.

on my own, when I look in the mirror, when I wake up, when I talk to my friends and when we have a fun day

I am so, incredibly myself

and I am so incredibly in love with myself, its amazing to look in the mirror, or reflect when its late at night when im about to go to sleep, and genuinely look in the mirror and think,

“I would LOVE to date myself, I am so beautiful, my body is BANGIN, I am so in love with the life that I have made for myself” :) 

I’ve also learned a lot too.. and through meeting new people I’ve really come to find more things to be on the absolute deal breaker list lol

I WANT:

someone to absolutely, and indefinitely show up for me. That could be different in everyones own context, yet for me that means to me consistent, direct, match my energy, make PLANS, FOLLOW THROUGH, make me excited for the day, make waking up on a date day feel like fucking Christmas.

not last minute, not flaky, nor inconsistent.

mature, endearing, planned ahead, EXCITED, WANTING to do fun things and try new experiences

:)

that’s what I want.

I think today was a true indication of moving on.

I woke up today, a lil stressed from all the work I have to do, yet when I woke up my thoughts were:

wow I slept well, my tan looks pretty good, I am SO excited for my date today !! (wine speak easy !!?? ), straight giddy

and guess what -

today would've been my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH MY EX

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

I will admit his birthday was a little shaky and I really tried to distract myself, however now-

its effortless

:’)

I’ve been manifesting the most amazing things, I feel genuinely amazing, and even though life can be so unpredictable and scary, I make it amazing. 

I am the best version of myself. and I could not be more fucking PROUD

[talonted]

As a beauty blogger I try out a *lot* of make up, receiving exciting new launches and getting to play with products is one of the best parts of my job. As I constantly have new and interesting things arriving all the time, I tend to be a bit of a floozy with my products, jumping from one to the next fairly regularly. But as I looked back over blog posts and instagram selfies from the past year, I noticed a few products that cropped up time an again. There were some products that I tended to reach for more than others, ones that found a permanent place on my dressing table. So here, for your reading pleasure, are my 2017 Beauty Favourites.

I’ll work through my 2017 Beauty Favourites in order of application, rather than preference as I can’t rank them. I’ve also added some ‘highly commended’ products at the end of the post so don’t forget to check them out, as well as letting me know your 2017 favourites in the comments.

Starting with my base, I fell in love with The Ordinary High-Adherence Silicone Primer*. Some people don’t like the slippery, silky feeling of silicone primers but I don’t mind it. This is a lightweight primer that helps smooth out my skin and improves the longevity of my foundation. If you follow me on YouTube or instagram, the inclusion of The Ordinary Serum Foundation* will come as no surprise. This little bottle of joy took me completely by surprise and I have been recommending it to everyone. You can see it in action in my review HERE.

My Sephora High Coverage concealer has now run out and I feel a bit panicky – is it wrong to plan a trip to Paris just to stock up…? It somehow manages to be high coverage enough to deal with my intense blue eyebags but light enough not to settle into fine lines and look crepey. The dream!

The Too Faced Born This Way setting powder* has featured in a lot of selfies this year. It’s very finely milled so you don’t end up looking dusty, it has illuminating properties so it’s great under the eyes, and it comes in this huge pot that will last ages.

Two incredibly affordable products to finish off my base: the Freedom Radiance highlighter palette is absolutely incredible, containing three flattering highlighter shades. If you prefer a subtle glow, you need to have a light hand as these products have an intense pay off but for me (the human glitter ball), they are perfect. The Make Up Revolution Matte Blushes are pigmented, long-lasting, and come in a large pan. I love them!

Without my eyebrows I look like a potato so I’m always on the hunt for affordable high street offerings that cater to blondes. The GOSH Brow Shape ‘n’ Fill* is flipping great: it has an angled pencil at one end and a powder at the other (which I don’t use), and comes in a lovely ashy blonde that suits me perfectly. I am yet to find something that has outlasted the GOSH Infinity eyeliner pencil in ‘Carbon Black’* on my watery, sensitive eyes. I use this for tight-lining and it stays put for hours, something much pricier products struggle with!

Oh, Urban Decay Naked Heat palette* how do I love you? Let me count the ways! It’s the only palette I have brought with me on my current Japan trip which definitely Says Something. I’m a huge fan of warm-toned eye make up and this palette has it all: a range of shades, shimmers and mattes, and the pigmentation is great. I wasn’t sold on the Naked palettes but this is just dreamy. I did a post dedicated to it HERE where I showed three different looks you can achieve with the palette, whether you’re a subtle or intense eye make up person.

Lip products are my ultimate weakness so I hope you will forgive me for picking two liquid lipsticks for this entry in my 2017 beauty favourites. The Sephora Cream Lip Stains are just wonderful – they are affordable, have a huge colour range, feel comfortable on the lips, and last ages (you can see lip swatches of my collection HERE). The Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipsticks have some seriously unique shades and I am always guaranteed to get comments from people wanting to know what I’m wearing. There are some inconsistencies with longevity within the range, but they are easy to layer/reapply so I don’t mind that too much.

I can’t remember when I first started using Maybelline Lash Sensational mascara but I can’t be without it now. I’ve tried so many others and this is still the one that gives me volume, separation and (a rare find for me) doesn’t end up printing all over my brow bone by midday.

I think you could have all guessed that Essie nail polish would be in here. The formula, the colours, the longevity, the names… I love them all and they are easily my favourite nail brand. My favourite colour to wear this year has probably been ‘playing koi’*, a gorgeous rusty orange with a strong 70s vibe (which actually came out in 2016 but is still a favourite). You can see it swatched HERE.

And that’s your lot! The products I used and loved this most this year. It was really hard to whittle down this list, there have been so many great products. So I wanted to quickly mention some that were highly commended…

Pixi Flawless Primer* (if you’re looking for a hydrating primer to add radiance and glow to grey wintery skin, this is DREAMY); Amazing Cosmetics Amazing Concealer* (you need the tiniest, TINIEST dot to do both eyes and it will cover even the most intense eye-bags); 3INA highlighter* (subtle, glowy, and just gives really healthy looking skin) and Make Up Revolution Baked Highlights (so affordable and gives an intense highlight glow if you’re a sparkle-loving magpie like me); NYX ‘Brights’ Ultimate Shadow palette (such an incredible palette but probably not for everyone. If you want to use more colour in your make up in 2018 then this is a great place to start) and the Too Faced Sweet Peach palette* (this palette is so wearable and can easily be taken from subtle to dramatic thanks to the range of shades. Love love love!); KIKO Cream Crush eyeshadow in ‘Pearly Silver Rose’ (cream eyeshadows are foolproof and so quick. This is my go-to if I want something glitzy and eye-catching with no effort); Sephora V For Volume coloured mascara (I have the light blue, royal blue, green, and pink…and want more! Really pigmented, not flaky, and don’t smudge even on my weepy eyes. So, so good!); and finally Gerard Cosmetics HydraMatte liquid lipsticks (wonderful colours – including beautiful metallics – that last ages and don’t cost a fortune). Phew! It has been a flipping good year for my make up bag. What were your 2017 Beauty Favourites? As always, let me know in the comments below.

Lex

*PR samples. Links may be affiliate. For more information please see the Disclaimer tab at the top of the page.

2017 Beauty Favourites: My Most Used Products Of The Year As a beauty blogger I try out a *lot* of make up, receiving exciting new launches and getting to play with products is one of the best parts of my job.

[yujiawrites]

I play the piano

I play the piano. I had quit when I was 16 - or rather, my piano teacher quit me by refusing to turn up for lessons because I had been so inconsistent with practices. On hindsight, I have to admit that it was true. I was cancelling classes at least once a month because I couldn't make it, or just couldn't practice enough. 

 But yes, I play the piano now. During summertime, I was reminded of the unrequited desire in my heart to continue playing music. At first I wanted to pick up the guitar, but the piano at home stared me right in the face everyday. I dragged the issue for quite long, until one day talks emerged amongst the family about "selling the piano" and my savvy younger brother was going to actually put it online. I couldn't bear the fact that this piano, although untouched for four years, was just going to go. Alright, alright, I'll relearn the piano, I said.

 So that's how I ended up in Ms Yap's class, looking at the familiar but strange black and white keys again. And I've come to realise that playing the piano at 16 has a very different feeling from playing the piano at 20. 

 Back then, I would have said: "I know how to play the piano", but I didn't really enjoy it. Perhaps I only enjoyed the kick and pride that comes when I played a piece successfully. But practices were routine and I really dreaded lessons. If I could practice for even half an hour, it was a milestone. 

 But right now, I really enjoy the piano. I enjoy practice. I enjoy hitting the wrong notes again and again while striving to hit the right ones. I enjoy teasing out the nuances of every note - legato, rubato, allegro, staccato. It's odd! But I enjoy sitting down at the piano bench, spending an hour just practicing, and somehow that discipline isn't a drag anymore. I wish I could practice longer, be surrounded by music longer, but work calls. 

 It got me wondering about what caused this difference. 

 Maybe being older actually allows you to appreciate music more. I'm not any one of those child prodigies that are actually gifted in playing, neither am I those YouTube players whose (I once watched) hands don't play the piano - they fly over the piano, and music comes out somehow. I can't tell chords from each other (yet) but being older does develop an appreciation for the nuances of music. 

 The first piece I learnt from Ms Yap was Sonatina, Op. 36. It's a simple song, and you've definitely heard it before, somewhere. I hammered at the keys, practiced till accuracy, and as I looked up at Ms Yap in satisfaction, she paused and gave an ok-not-there-yet smile. 

 "Play what you hear in your heart," she said. 

 "What?" I said, not understanding this seemingly flaky statement. 

 "Sing the melody out. How would you deal with the pitches and the ebb and flow of it?" 

 So I sang it. It sounded a world apart from my piece. In the natural voice, there are lifts and cadences that aren’t present in mechanical playing. I realised then that it’s not about the keys or notes, but it’s the handling of it. 

 Then Ms Yap made me sing while playing it, and the result was really quite different. The song came alive. There were softer sounds and then crescendos, build-ups, staccatos, and rhythm. The nuances make the song. 

 The best kind of playing I've heard from Ms Yap, and the way she encouraged me to play, was when I was not caring about hitting the right notes, but I was more focused on portraying the emotions of the song. Not only did it sound nicer, I liked the experience so much more.

 Recently, I've been playing the accompaniment to 'O Holy Night' and I just can't get enough of it. Even though it's just a few simple chords, which Ms Yap kindly simplified for me instead of the original sheet music, being able to play it while singing really brings out a kind of beauty that I cannot achieve just with my voice.

 Perhaps it was also the process of growing up. Being older, I mused to my friend the other day, I sense a greater ability to commit to choices, and to follow through with them. In the fleeting interests of youth, many choices are made because they are exciting, but not many of them truly last because we don't understand that a commitment is to be honoured. 

 Growing up also trains in you a diligence that is not there in the recklessness of youth. It's tenacity, a sort of steel that strengthens over time - your ability to withstand difficulty. The old adage that people always say, 长大就会吃苦，才会喜欢苦瓜 (the older you grow, the more you can go through bitter things in life and hence, appreciate bittergourd) is actually true. The younger me would have complained endlessly about practice, but now I have no qualms about practice, because I know that diligent determination in this practice leads somewhere. I know it. I know that hammering at these keys and straining to see those beansprouts lead to a smooth and beautiful sounding piece of music. When you're a young kid, having to pound at the keys, we're often impatient for immediate results. It's too difficult, I would have said, after practicing for the third time, I keep getting these notes wrong. What's the point? 

 But as we grow up, we start to be patient, because we can look past the rush and urge for gratification to commit to a piece of work - hard work, put-your-knuckles-to-it kind of craft. It's quiet, but it has developed over the years, and I am surprised that at 20, I see its fruition.

 And so... I play the piano now. Oh and I do like bittergourd now too. Strange. 

[automatismoateo]

I Confessed my Atheism to a Family Member for the First Time Today... it went as well as I could have hoped, but I feel I've lost something precious. via /r/atheism

Submitted June 10, 2020 at 12:16AM by -n_h101- (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2MJKqaD) I Confessed my Atheism to a Family Member for the First Time Today... it went as well as I could have hoped, but I feel I've lost something precious.

My siblings and I represent the eighth generation of my family native to Alabama, thus it is no surprise that I have been raised in a Christian household (though my tumultuous life hasn't been so stable as the word "household" might imply). I have become increasingly skeptical of religion over the past few years, but never had the confidence to outwardly express doubt. I was never able to reconcile my ever-growing education with the inconsistencies of scripture and religious belief.

I mentioned that my life has sometimes been tumultuous (multiple accidental house-fires, multiple divorces, emotionally abusive step-mother, gambling-addict father, etc.), but no one around me seemed to question their Christian approach to life. I have watched people's lives fall apart around me as long as I can remember, at the same time as they plead to God to help them. Most of this was just shallow, selfish religious practice without any thought to deeper meaning or further research or to really working for their own success (to be expected). But my mother, my sweet, selfless, compassionate mother. She has been my support for my *entire life* and I have only in recent years learned that my arguably pitiful childhood is something she would have envied. She has fought to give my siblings and I opportunities that she never had, and I have her to thank for so much of my success in life.

She has been effectively alone for her entire life, surrounded by indifferent family and naive, flaky "friends". Prayer and Christianity have been her only solace for *at least* my entire life (I am an upcoming sophomore in college). She, unlike my extended family, never tried to force anything onto my siblings and I, though she did give the occasional lecture about values and prayed over us religiously (painful pun, sorry). Over the years, I have grown to cherish our relationship deeply, and I know she's done the same. That's why I just couldn't withhold my changing beliefs from her, not without driving a wedge between us and leaving her unaware of its origin.

I've known for a while that my shift was inevitable, and my anxiety about "coming out" has been growing for months. After suffering a few sleepless nights recently, I decided to tell her this morning. I broke the news carefully, and she took the news outwardly as well as I had hoped. She explained to me the reasons she believes, I explained to her that I've considered all her points twice-over. I could tell she was shaken, but she cares too much about my psychological well-being to show how devastated she really is. We spent the day talking while my younger siblings ran around our feet, until she and my siblings left with the same ritualistic good-byes as usual.

Something has changed though. She could only smile and hug, and tell me that she had sort of seen this coming and that believing wasn't for everyone, the whole time though she was fighting back tears of worry and maybe of loss.

We are too close for this to ever truly come between us, but our relationship will never be the same. And (against logic, I know) I feel that I have destroyed something, some part of our relationship, some part of her.

I don't know why I'm posting this here or if this is even the right place to post it, I'm not an active user. Maybe someone else has had a similar experience? How has this affected everyone else's relationships? Is it always this anxiety-inducing? Have your relationships recovered?

[ashleyjacksonblog]

Here’s How To Respectfully Call Out Someone Who Never Texts You Back

Bad phone communication skills are my relationship deal breaker. I love a person who knows how to keep up a good texting conversation, can establish good texting rapport, and knows their way around good texting chemistry. But when someone fails at all of those important communication milestones, it’s a bummer. Plus, it can feel impossible to figure out how to call someone out for not texting back. I don’t want to sound like a demanding crazy person, but guess what? I am a demanding crazy person! Deal with it!

I have ended relationships over bad texting because I need someone who is a good communicator over all mediums. If I text you, you better text me back within a few hours unless you’re in the middle of something important. I tweet you? You better start an @ reply chain. I send you an Instagram message? If I see you read it, and you don’t reply, there will be hell to pay. If I hire an airplane and write a message for you in the sky, I need you to message me something back in the air ASAP. Communication skills are important in every relationship, and I can’t deal with someone who can’t even pick up the phone!

So here’s how to respectfully call someone out who never texts you back. Because you shouldn’t settle for someone else’s inconsistent and flaky behavior.

1. Tell Them What You’ve Noticed

5 Stages Every Girl Goes Through Waiting For A Guy To Text Her Back [5TAGES]

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If you immediately jump to accuse someone of something, they’ll get defensive. The same thing applies if you make a judgment about someone. But if you state your perception about a situation without anger or frustration, it leaves room for healthy dialogue and conversation about your concerns.

So calmly tell your partner, friend, work colleague, or crush that you’ve noticed they are inconsistent with their texts. Then, they might offer you an explanation, or at least step up their game.

2. Ask For Clarification

Teens Try Texting With T9

/* sponsored */ window.NDA && window.NDA.initPlayer && window.NDA.initPlayer(‘nda-videoobject__embed–1622879–1’, { advertising: {}, playlist: ‘//cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/DfoV182c’, image: ‘http://ift.tt/2sbndD8′, aspectratio: ’16:9’, width: ‘100%’, title: ‘Teens Try Texting With T9’, videoId: 1622879, tracking: { category: ‘Video: ED Player’ } });

If someone is a bad texter, simply ask them why. Without anger, resentment, or judgement, say to them, “I’ve noticed you’re not great at texting, is there a reason why?” Sometimes, we’re quick to make things personal, when they might not be personal at all.

You never know. The person you’re attempting to communicate with might like talking on the phone or meeting up in person more than texting. Maybe they’re trying to save money and don’t want to use up all their cellular data. I once had someone tell me they had joint pain in their hands from typing so much at work (WTF) and that they’d prefer FaceTiming, which was even more intimate, instead. Some people just don’t like being glued to their phones all the time.

We forget how easy it is to ask a simple question. So before you make assumptions, ask for some clarification first. You might be surprised at the answer.

3. Ask For A Decision

Women Read Offensive Text Messages From Guys

/* sponsored */ window.NDA && window.NDA.initPlayer && window.NDA.initPlayer(‘nda-videoobject__embed–1622248–2’, { advertising: {}, playlist: ‘//cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/Ox0BqKSa’, image: ‘http://ift.tt/2itezPb’, aspectratio: ’16:9′, width: ‘100%’, title: ‘Women Read Offensive Text Messages From Guys’, videoId: 1622248, tracking: { category: ‘Video: ED Player’ } });

If you’re at your wit’s end with someone who never texts you back, then give them a text-imatum. I recently told a guy who texted me incredibly inconsistently that when I’m being pursued romantically, I require more attention and communication than what he’s giving me, so he either needs to adjust his texting/communication behavior or we should just be friends. Sometimes, in order to get what you want, you have to explicitly ask for it. Otherwise, people might do the bare minimum or rely on old habits that have worked for them in the past.

Flakes are the worst, and inconsistency will make you crazy. So if you’re engaged in a relationship with someone who never texts back, then make your concerns known. And if they don’t change their behavior, drop them. It’s a battle you’ll never win. You can always ask for clarification, but don’t forget that you can just ditch them, too. People who lack good communication skills typically aren’t dating material, at least not yet.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

Here’s How To Respectfully Call Out Someone Who Never Texts You Back

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2hrmEDN via IFTTT

[chadpetersondatingblog]

Here’s How To Respectfully Call Out Someone Who Never Texts You Back

Bad phone communication skills are my relationship deal breaker. I love a person who knows how to keep up a good texting conversation, can establish good texting rapport, and knows their way around good texting chemistry. But when someone fails at all of those important communication milestones, it’s a bummer. Plus, it can feel impossible to figure out how to call someone out for not texting back. I don’t want to sound like a demanding crazy person, but guess what? I am a demanding crazy person! Deal with it!

I have ended relationships over bad texting because I need someone who is a good communicator over all mediums. If I text you, you better text me back within a few hours unless you’re in the middle of something important. I tweet you? You better start an @ reply chain. I send you an Instagram message? If I see you read it, and you don’t reply, there will be hell to pay. If I hire an airplane and write a message for you in the sky, I need you to message me something back in the air ASAP. Communication skills are important in every relationship, and I can’t deal with someone who can’t even pick up the phone!

So here’s how to respectfully call someone out who never texts you back. Because you shouldn’t settle for someone else’s inconsistent and flaky behavior.

1. Tell Them What You’ve Noticed

5 Stages Every Girl Goes Through Waiting For A Guy To Text Her Back [5TAGES]

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If you immediately jump to accuse someone of something, they’ll get defensive. The same thing applies if you make a judgment about someone. But if you state your perception about a situation without anger or frustration, it leaves room for healthy dialogue and conversation about your concerns.

So calmly tell your partner, friend, work colleague, or crush that you’ve noticed they are inconsistent with their texts. Then, they might offer you an explanation, or at least step up their game.

2. Ask For Clarification

Teens Try Texting With T9

/* sponsored */ window.NDA && window.NDA.initPlayer && window.NDA.initPlayer(‘nda-videoobject__embed–1622879–1’, { advertising: {}, playlist: ‘//cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/DfoV182c’, image: ‘http://ift.tt/2sbndD8′, aspectratio: ’16:9’, width: ‘100%’, title: ‘Teens Try Texting With T9’, videoId: 1622879, tracking: { category: ‘Video: ED Player’ } });

If someone is a bad texter, simply ask them why. Without anger, resentment, or judgement, say to them, “I’ve noticed you’re not great at texting, is there a reason why?” Sometimes, we’re quick to make things personal, when they might not be personal at all.

You never know. The person you’re attempting to communicate with might like talking on the phone or meeting up in person more than texting. Maybe they’re trying to save money and don’t want to use up all their cellular data. I once had someone tell me they had joint pain in their hands from typing so much at work (WTF) and that they’d prefer FaceTiming, which was even more intimate, instead. Some people just don’t like being glued to their phones all the time.

We forget how easy it is to ask a simple question. So before you make assumptions, ask for some clarification first. You might be surprised at the answer.

3. Ask For A Decision

Women Read Offensive Text Messages From Guys

/* sponsored */ window.NDA && window.NDA.initPlayer && window.NDA.initPlayer(‘nda-videoobject__embed–1622248–2’, { advertising: {}, playlist: ‘//cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/Ox0BqKSa’, image: ‘http://ift.tt/2itezPb’, aspectratio: ’16:9′, width: ‘100%’, title: ‘Women Read Offensive Text Messages From Guys’, videoId: 1622248, tracking: { category: ‘Video: ED Player’ } });

If you’re at your wit’s end with someone who never texts you back, then give them a text-imatum. I recently told a guy who texted me incredibly inconsistently that when I’m being pursued romantically, I require more attention and communication than what he’s giving me, so he either needs to adjust his texting/communication behavior or we should just be friends. Sometimes, in order to get what you want, you have to explicitly ask for it. Otherwise, people might do the bare minimum or rely on old habits that have worked for them in the past.

Flakes are the worst, and inconsistency will make you crazy. So if you’re engaged in a relationship with someone who never texts back, then make your concerns known. And if they don’t change their behavior, drop them. It’s a battle you’ll never win. You can always ask for clarification, but don’t forget that you can just ditch them, too. People who lack good communication skills typically aren’t dating material, at least not yet.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

Here’s How To Respectfully Call Out Someone Who Never Texts You Back

from Meet Positives http://ift.tt/2hrmEDN via IFTTT

[montrosemavens]

Black Hole: An Eclectic Space with Laid-Back Tastes

By Isabella Neblett and Matthew Watowich

Black Hole is located on 4504 Graustark St in the museum district of Houston, Texas. The four owners: Dawn Callaway, Miriam Carrillo, Scott Repass and Scott Walcott, when opening Black Hole, were trying to create a small indie-like, community atmosphere, and we would have to say they succeeded. From the outside, Black Hole’s status as a coffee shop was apparent. Upon walking in, we were greeted by a chalkboard sign listing a series of standard drinks in curly, white font. Posters of local bands and artists lined the violet walls. Several people sat on the couches socializing, while others worked furiously on their laptops. Light music played in the background, which started as mellow electronic before shifting to calm indie. As we approached the cashier’s counter, we saw three glass jars of stacked cookies, of which there were no descriptions to be found. A glass case to the right revealed a plethora of sandwiches and pastries. The cafe was dim, with the natural lighting from the large front windows only hitting one side of the cafe. The other side was lit with small yellow lamps that help create a relaxed atmosphere. In the middle of the cafe was a line of sofas in pairs of two. Each pair of sofas were a different color and fabric, and between each laid a small wooden coffee table. Much of the furniture did not match one another, but collectively, they seemed to work to create a laid-back environment.

                                     The opening doors of Black Hole

We chose to sit on the left side of Black Hole, in a small nook with two comfortable sofas. A soft, blue glow radiated from the two overhead lamps whose modern, minimalist design fit in with the eclectic vibe that Black Hole seemed to be going for. A collection of sci-fi movie posters hung on the back wall, their titles featuring the likes of Star Trek and Space Balls. In the center lay a movie poster for the sci-fi hit Black Hole, which is clearly what the coffee shop was named after. Rather than being focused on this sci-fi name, Black Hole’s ambiance was eclectic and intimate, a great working space for college kids as well as middle aged business people. In the past, Black Hole was populated mainly by judgemental hipsters, but today, it consists of a much more diverse, open crowd. Through this change, Black Hole has remained an accepting, communal place, as it promotes local bands, artists, and advertisements.

                                 A view of the inside seating space

Many people rush to Black Hole due to its cozy atmosphere, but as we found, their food and drinks do not live up to their expectations. In total, we ordered seven drinks and three pastries. As for drinks, we got a double shot cappuccino, an iced vanilla latte, an iced mocha latte, hot chocolate, an iced cajeta latte, a standard latte, and a French press. While we were ordering, the staff did their job, but they were not overly friendly or welcoming. They were willing to help if you asked a question directly, but they did not go out of their way to help. Throughout our order, the cashier kept leaving to go help make drinks, which was understandable as there were only two staff working and they were serving a large group, but it still made me feel as though they were significantly understaffed. After ordering, there was no real place to wait around for our drinks, which left us awkwardly standing between tables. Luckily our drinks came out quickly, minimizing these awkward feelings.

       Isabella, Teja, Matthew, and Harry sit on a couch, enjoying their drinks

We received our hot drinks in small, ceramic mugs that rested on miniature plates, while our cold drinks were served in large glasses. The first drink we tried was the double shot cappuccino. The cappuccino was strong, its flavor slightly acidic yet pleasantly rich, which worked well with the warm, ivory foam that smothered it. The next drink we tried was the Iced Vanilla Latte. While the drink had potential, the barista had not stirred it thoroughly, which left the first half being overly sweet like drinking vanilla syrup straight from the bottle. The later half, however, was smooth as some of the vanilla syrup had dissolved into it, but it still remained slightly too bitter.

The hot chocolate smelled promising, giving off a warm, sweet aroma. The drink itself, however, was the exact opposite. It tasted watered-down and as if it had been sitting out for a couple days. The Iced Cajeta Latte was well made in terms of sweet coffee, especially if you don’t typically like coffee since the strong, cinnamon flavor overpowered the taste of the coffee. The drink was rich, which worked well with the coziness of the coffee shop. The hint of coffee appeared at the end, adding a nice bitter aftertaste, which complemented the sweetness of the cinnamon and milk. The regular latte was by far our least favorite drink. It started off sharp and jarring, with a pungent taste that lasted long after you put the drink down. The French Press dark roast was also disappointing. Poured from a miniature, silver French Press, the coffee was supposed to be a dark roast yet its woodsy flavor was diluted. The amber color, differing from the usual mahogany, also signaled that it was pressed well. At $2.25, however, it was decently priced. It’s not the best French Press I’ve ever had, but it’s certainly not the worst, either.

               Our three pastries with our cappuccino and iced cajeta latte

The food matched the forgettable and somewhat disappointing nature of the drinks. Before eating them, we warmed them up in the microwave, which we strongly recommend as without this the food would be room temperature and no where near as satisfying. The sticky bun had a firm outer crust of caramelized sugar, which surrounded a soft dough interior. The texture was inconsistent in the center, with some pieces being drier than others, but the contrast between the dry, sweet center and the firm, sticky crust was quite nice. A thin layer of cinnamon vanilla glaze covered the entirety of the bun, but the cinnamon taste was faint. For a few of us, the sticky bun was too reminiscent of an over sweetened croissant. That isn’t to say that it was bad, but it left us wanting more. The chocolate croissant consisted of soft, plain flaky bread surrounding a dark, melted chocolate center. The chocolate comes as a wonderful surprise, softening the texture of the bread. Definitely microwave it though, or else the chocolate would be hard and dry. Overall, the chocolate croissant was average, nothing special; you could probably find a similar one in a display case at Starbucks.

The Vegan Cinnamon Roll was our favorite pastry. The vegan aspect of it threw some of us off at first as we expected it to be grainy and bland, as vegan desserts can often be. It, however, was surprisingly enjoyable. The creamy, rich vanilla frosting balanced out the bready inside, which was complemented by the runs of cinnamon streaming through it. My only criticism of this would be that at times, the thick layer of frosting could easily overpower the somewhat bland bread, making the whole dish turn into a overly sugary treat. This did not pair well if you ordered a sweet drink like I did, but I could imagine it could go well with a more bitter drink.

Overall, we strongly recommend Black Hole because of its cozy environment, which provides a nice setting for studying or socializing with friends. The food and drinks aren’t great, but for the price, it’s worth the buy. One redeeming factor is that they offer a wide variety of foods that cater to dietary restrictions. If you are to visit, we strongly recommend the Iced Cajeta Latte, the Cappuccino, and the Vegan Cinnamon Roll.

Ratings:

Food: 5.5/10

Service: 6/10

Atmosphere: 7.5/10

Price: 8.50 per person (for a drink and a pastry)

Overall: 6.5/10